Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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