He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
