Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize