we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
