sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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