At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
