Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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