things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
