I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize