in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
