Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
