you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
