and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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