38 yer olds are good kisserssss
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
