why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
