i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize