Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize