oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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