Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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