Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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