I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
