We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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