I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Fuck appropriateness.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
