I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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