Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
