Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
