He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
