matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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