We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
