I just threw up on my dentist
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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