I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
