if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
