So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
