i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
