And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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