it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
