he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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