We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
