I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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