Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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