She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
now i know why i became what i already was.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
