I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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