i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
