Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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