Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
