you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
