I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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