I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
