Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
