Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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