Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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