fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
