ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
