You made me cry and you don't even care
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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