they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
