I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
