so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
