what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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