My sheets look like a crime scene.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
