I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
