im drinking this country out of the recession.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
