worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
