It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
