So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
