Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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