He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize