I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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