oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I need water and some morals
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
