Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
